Musings on the Road in the Middle of Nowhere, New Mexico

There I was. Going 75 on the highway with the cruise control on. Shoes off, legs folded on my seat. A speck of a semi half a mile or more in front of me. No one creeping in my rear view. Alone with no need to change lanes for the past ten minutes.

Sun was thinking about setting, and the mountains stood in the distance, running parallel to the road.

Some alternative song was probably blasting out my car speakers, about to be replaced by a tune that would induce tonal whiplash, because have what? An eclectic and inconsistent taste in music.

Or maybe it was a soft, longer, instrumental ambient piece that was playing.

Either way, it was during this stretch of the drive that I realized: Wow. I'm out here. In the middle of nowhere, New Mexico. Practically all alone. Just me and my car. And no one cares. Especially not these mountains. And definitely not the sun. I didn't matter.

A depressing thought at first, but followed up quickly with... the fact that it didn't matter that I didn't matter. Who cares if no one cares? These mountains, in the grand scheme of the universe, majestic as they were, didn't matter. Our planet doesn't matter. Nor our sun. It's all happenstance.

But we still don't care that all those things don't really matter. Because they matter to us.

And I realized the brutal thing about cities is... with so many people, they want it to matter that you don't. They want you to care that no one cares about you. Whether it's for capitalism or to beat you down or trick you into consumerism or insecurities or exploited labor or what have you. The city as a system, and society almost too, wants you to care about the frivolity of your exitence.

Whereas nature? Literally doesn't. It thinks and asks nothing of you.

I think this is why many find cities stressful and nature relaxing. A city can be isolating in a way that hurts, but nature is isolating in a way that's peaceful.

People want it to matter that you don't. Nature doesn't give two shits.

And realizing that, that it didn't matter that I didn't matter, made things... so much freer for me. I could do whatever I wanted. Live however I wanted. It didn't matter anyways, why not have fun? Why not do what makes me happy? Why not live how I want, rather than what society says I should want? Not be forced to worry about what other people think, because in the grand scheme, they don't matter anymore than you do. Life has no meaning, but even that is without meaning. Make your own meaning! Write your own purpose!

That's not to say to not care about things. We do live in a society, after all. Rather, it's more freedom to care about things. If everything is equally meaningless, you can care about what you find important without having to justify. It's your life, and it's something you care about for your own reasons.

Of course, because we LiVe iN a sOciEtY there are things we can't escape. Things society will force upon us that we have to deal with. But there's also the intangible. The critical thinking on what's important to me and what isn't. Morals and ethics matter to me. Social issues are important to me. They affect my life whether I like it or not. But even though the planet will implode eventually, I still want to live my life in a way that makes me proud of it, and if that means standing up for what I believe in, so be it.

At the risk of this turning into even more of a ramble than it already is, I'll leave it at that, but I'm sure there are plenty of interesting discussions to be had about this mentality, both pros and cons. But for me, I found it comforting, and more reason to live my life how I want and not limit myself or settle for anything less if I can help it.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree? What is your personal philosophy on life? Let me know below! I'd love to hear different perspectives on this.